Shaking the "Good Girl" syndrome

For years, it held me captive, this drive to be a Good Girl. When growing up, it boiled down to:

  • being punctual,
  • getting good grades
  • never getting loud about anything.

But, as I’ve already mentioned, getting loud turns out to be necessary for me right now. Likewise letting go of the idea clocks measure anything quantifiable and instead accepting that everything happens at Exactly The Right Time. And while I’m still a big fan of the kind of curiosity that can lead to academic excellence, though no longer finding it necessary to have someone judge the results for me to feel good about it.

Interesting that less than a week after cutting aka cords, the originator of those cords has made two attempts to draw me back into Good Girl syndrome by offering me after-the-fact rewards for past behavior. I phoned Conciousness Circle Lisa and she laughed saying, “Yep, I almost warned you that would happen, but didn’t want to create the expectation.” She led me through a visualization to renew/reinforce my independence from that energy. What a blessing, to have friends to call on.

The gnarly man

I just listened to a episode from April 2008 of the Soul Coaching podcast. Hay House author Denise Linn led a past-life regression to release  blockages regarding money and prosperity carried over from previous incarnations.

I’m an gnarled, aging man–skinny arms, pain in my chest, bowed legs–in a short, threadbare gray tunic, walking a stone road through a town, who is having to beg to survive.

As Ms. Linn invited us to take control of this guided journey, old-man-me began to sing. When folks in the town’s market place noticed, I turned the song into a story and began weaving each of them into the story as characters. Folks started laughing and nodding and offering me food.

After this success, I am invited into nice homes to tell stories over shared meals. A couple of rich folk offer to put me on retainer. I politely say, “No, you don’t want me for the classic stories–there are others who do that better than I. You want me to tell you new stories,” i.e. mine. They say, “Well of course you’ll tell yours, but don’t you understand I’m asking you to be our private story teller–you will tell us all kinds of stories.” I say, “I appreciate your thinking so well of me as to make such a generous offer, but again I must decline, for it would be a disservice to you and your kind heart. With only one teller, all stories will begin to sound the same and no story will hold much appeal for you. Allow me to safeguard your sense of wonder.”

Awesome stuff. Thanks, Ms. Linn.

My 2nd grade pal: Completing the road-trip trifecta

On July 2, I completed the third road trip squeezed into a period of less than three weeks. (Shortest driving time one-way: 2 hours. Longest: 4 1/2 hours.) What an invigorating month it was!

I’ll get posts up about trips 1 and 2, I’m sure. The third is the easiest, though, because there were no huge “ahas!” At least, none that have come to light so far.

So far, it seems a simple overnight trip made for the extraordinary reason that one of my 2nd-grade best friends was visiting my adopted state for the First Time Ever, and hoped we could get together while she was here. Too far to ask her to drive all the way to my home, we arranged a hotel in a charming city an hour from where she’d been attending her business conference, and 3 hours from my home. It was easy to enjoy her company, though I was sad to not feel us connecting on any but the most superficial levels.

After a leisurely breakfast, she said farewell and drove her rental car to the distant airport for a flight home. But my trip wasn’t quite done. An online friend had left a voice mail hoping to meet me while we were both in town, and I gladly hung around for her, because she normally lives more than 9,000 miles away!

Yup. Her residence is in Bangkok, Thailand, but she was visiting my adopted state at just the right time for us to have a quick “hi” and a hug. I can’t count it as an “aha!” per se, but it was certainly a treat. Thanks ladies–both of you.

Review: Welcome to the Evolution: Solving the Mayan Calendar Mystery (DVD)

One man. One flip chart. One mind-blowing presentation. Sure, you have to be willing to look past the complete lack of cinema-graphic merit and focus solely on the content, but it’s  worth it. Couple of highlights:

  • The calendar isn’t tracking simple revolutions of the earth around the sun…
  • It’s tracking the evolution of the cosmos/creation itself, a process that is accelerating literally every day–and making a higher frequency of consciousness more easily available.
  • It ends not on December 21, 2012, but rather October 28, 2011.
  • The end doesn’t mean we’re all dead. Only that we’ll have evolved past the need to measure time in the same way.

The details offered as support for this interpretation of the calendar–past events, future dates, etc.–are compelling. If you’re interested in an interpretation of the calendar that does not include visions of the apocalypse, this is a must-see presentation.

It’s a pity the speaker didn’t live to see to see 2011. Instead, Ian Xel Lungold, died in 2005. He based his ideas on the work of scientist/researcher Dr. Carl Johan Calleman (, and it continues at, where new articles appear all the time.

Netflix users can rent Lungold’s “Welcome to the Evolution” and “Lost Secrets of the Maya” DVDs. But if you want a copy of your own, go to Solving the Mayan Calendar Mystery

Highly recommended.

Some mysteries more easily solved than others

Last night, I sat up sleepless for ages. Sneezing, blowing my nose, hoping to get a clear enough passage to finally drop off. Was this an echo of an old emotional pattern? Resistance? Something else?

Turns out, I hadn’t replaced the furnace filter since February. Seems those fancy filters that say they’ll last “up to three months” poop out after five.

Love the big insights, but small victories are sweet, too.

Cutting the cords

Friday, I was with Consciousness Circle buddy Lisa, describing the waves of fear that had had me on an emotional roller coaster recently, especially leading up to last week’s eclipse. To her clairvoyant/audiant senses, much of the blockage between me and a more abundant state was wrapped up in aka cords draining me.

I’d not heard the term before. It’s a name for the energetic threads that connect us in all our relationships (even our relationships to things).

These particular cords had become a negative connection for me. After asking if I were ready to sever them, Lisa led me through a beautiful exercise in which I named the cords I could perceive (I only felt/saw two–one connected to my solar plexus, labeled “shame,” and one at my throat I called “shhhhh”), then saw them cut away, as well as any others I might be seeing that weren’t serving my highest good.

My response is a measure of just how safe I feel with Lisa. First, I wept, then began spontaneously vocalizing–sound that gradually became more pure until I was toning. And hey, I don’t have any training in that. It was loud. Clearly, the “shhhhh” line had been severed. Hee!

Laugher was next. It bubbled up and had me cackling. Very freeing feeling, to laugh spontaneously without any external trigger!

The whole experience made perfect sense to me, particularly in light of what happened the week before the Solstice.

But that’s another story.

The online part of my journey begins

My toenail polish is called “Disco Inferno.” It’s purple, and I love it.

Don’t know about you, but I aim to have as much fun as possible on my soul’s journey through this life. Goodness knows all those years spent taking myself seriously didn’t win me any big happiness prizes.

I have some of the most delicious friends in the world. Some of them, I consider members of my Consciousness Circle. That means when we’re together, Spirit seems to move more freely through us, making possible some amazing insights and experiences. I know I can talk to them about anything.

It’s good to know I’m not alone. None of us are. Ever.