For years, it held me captive, this drive to be a Good Girl. When growing up, it boiled down to:
- being punctual,
- getting good grades
- never getting loud about anything.
But, as I’ve already mentioned, getting loud turns out to be necessary for me right now. Likewise letting go of the idea clocks measure anything quantifiable and instead accepting that everything happens at Exactly The Right Time. And while I’m still a big fan of the kind of curiosity that can lead to academic excellence, though no longer finding it necessary to have someone judge the results for me to feel good about it.
Interesting that less than a week after cutting aka cords, the originator of those cords has made two attempts to draw me back into Good Girl syndrome by offering me after-the-fact rewards for past behavior. I phoned Conciousness Circle Lisa and she laughed saying, “Yep, I almost warned you that would happen, but didn’t want to create the expectation.” She led me through a visualization to renew/reinforce my independence from that energy. What a blessing, to have friends to call on.